Help Jared Woods Meet Lily Allen on Facebook Help Jared Woods Meet Lily Allen on Twitter Help Jared Woods Meet Lily Allen on Myspace Frequently Asked Questions
Jared Woods

01. Why Lily Allen?

It actually started quite a while ago, when I saw the video for Smile. I thought "this chick is awesome" because I was really into The Streets at that point in time, and she was in that kind of mockney vein. And then I forgot about her.

A few years later she released her sophmore "It's Not Me, It's You" and I thought "I remember this chick, she is actually really fucking awesome". It was the video for The Fear that did it. And no, it really wasn't so much that she is the cutest thing around (she is), but more because the lyrics were such different takes on everyday subjects. She was addressing very important things with a humourous twist, it was a nice line between being very serious but not taking it very seriously. And with that, I started to spend more time on Spotify listening to her tracks and even turned a lot of my pop-hating friends onto it.

One day, I announced to my good mate that "I was going to meet this girl". Of course, I got laughed at, and was told to stop dreaming. Now, whenever anyone tells me to stop dreaming, I automatically start dreaming more. And eventually by 17 November 2009, I had worked out and executed my plan to meet her, which is obviously working because you are reading about it.

02. So Basically, You're Just a Creepy Stalker?

Let's try clear this up once and for all: A stalker would find out where she lives and chain myself to her doorstep. A stalker would send naked photos of themselves to her record label. I am not even posting a letter to her, because that would defeat the entire experiment. This has to be done using nothing but the internet. Even if I meet Lily Allen at a club, it doesn't count, I have to get her attention via the net. In summary: if I am a stalker, I must be the laziest fucking stalker that ever existed.

03. What Do You Plan To Do If You Meet Her?

Get a photo. I would love to ask her what she thought of the website, beyond that I haven't really given it too much thought. I would be beyond happy though, and I'm pretty sure I would update this website within the hour.

04. How Do We Know You Aren't Planning Something Sinister?

Look, here is some advice: if you ever meet someone in real-life from the internet, do it in a public place. Bring your friends along too. It's not like I'm asking Lily to meet me behind some dodgy Tescos or something, and I'm sure she is smart enough to work this all out for herself, ok?

05. How Close Are You?

Not too sure, but I have come into contact with like a hundred people who have met her, quite a few people who know her in person, and of course she did Tweet about it. I have no idea what that means yet.

06. Aren't Your Cartoons Just South Park Rip-Offs?

I'll happily admit that part of it was based on South Park. Their animtion technique is very simple, but it works, so that is perfect for a lone animator. What gave it away? Was it the flapping heads by chance? To be honest, the story line and overall vibe was much closely based on Perfect Hair Forever.

07. When Can We Expect The Next Episode?

Episode 2 is in production, keep your eye on the Progress Page or Juice Nothing, you will get your regular updates. It keeps becoming a bigger and bigger project, so could be anywhere between now and 2011. It will be so worth it, I swear to God.

08. If You Meet/Don't Meet Lily, What Happens To The Cartoons?

I have been planning to make cartoons for a long time now. It just so happens that this Lily thing was the perfect opportunity, but it is just the beginning of a much larger project.

09. Your Tweets Scare Me.

I understand that Lily's fan base is generally 14 year old girls who don't like me joking about fat chicks and violence. I blame hip-hop. So what the fuck do you want me to do? Censor myself just because you don't like it? Here's an idea: don't follow me.

10. What is Juice Three?

It goes a little something like this:
Juice Nothing is the home base for all my projects, each Juice is a creation of mine, this is ground zero.
Juice One was As Seen On Facebook.
Juice Two is Art-Pulpitations.
Juice Three is this website, Help Jared Woods Meet Lily Allen.
Juice Four is Out Of The Treee.
Juice Five is being worked on as we speak.

Lily Allen
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